In-between Grace & Rage

in between being and becoming

Getting myself out the trenches has been so draining.

Being the one who chooses light—while surrounded by people devoted to their darkness—is exhausting.
You're facing your own fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs... while also pushing through other people’s outdated assumptions, projections, and demons.

Believing in something greater, being ambitious—it’s beautiful.
But it’s also heavy.

Because most of it is becoming, not being.
Not yet living. Just reaching.

You keep daydreaming about “that one day”—
When you’ll finally leave your toxic home.
When you’ll move abroad.
When you’ll have your own space.
When you’ll find the right job, the right partner, the right version of yourself.

But never the version you are right now.

And the truth is…
No matter what you achieve, there’s always somewhere else you could be.
Something more you could do.
Someone better you could become.
Or worse, someone you could’ve been.

And in that space, you can get stuck.

You feel guilty for not being happy, even though you “should” be.
Still unsatisfied.
Still restless.
Still unfulfilled.

So many of us live there.
In that liminal place between surviving and thriving.

Between gratitude and grief.
Between doing and just… being.

Because we were taught to define ourselves by what we do.
Not who we are.

Whether it’s building a family or a multinational company—
It’s always been about the outcome.
The title. The product. The win.

But I’ve been learning to come back to myself.

Sometimes, I say it out loud:
I’m a child of God.
An angel, if I dare.

I’m not here to force. I’m an expression of what’s possible.
A sum of every memory, experience, feeling, thought, sensation, heartbreak and prayer.

There are infinite versions of this life I could have lived.

There are  so many places where I could be right now

So many parents, siblings, friends, partners I could’ve have met but
These are my people.

Infinite names I could have had.

But I’m Alawiya Löah Salik.

This is my lifetime.

And now that I’ve built a life where I have full authority over my time, my voice, my body, where I go and what I do, because I chose me.
I can look back with clarity, and see how even my worsts days on earth, the nightmares I went through, the demons I met, were blessings.

All part of the sharpening.

It doesn’t mean I don’t carry anger towards certain circumstances and people I had to survive from.

Fuck them & I don’t wish them well. 
yes—I carry rage.
I don’t forgive everyone.
Some people don’t deserve softness.

Now that I’m big enough, that I’ve had the time to cultivate and call my energy back, I’m strong enough.
Strong enough to give myself what I want, what I need.
Strong enough to protect what I love.
Strong enough to keep choosing me.

And eventually, you’ll get there too.

You might wish you were further ahead.
You might fear that you’re too far behind.

But I promise you:

There’s no better place.
There’s no worse place.
There’s no other place where you’re supposed to be.

The 99%

I’ve been noticing how little of life actually happens on the outside.

Most of it—the real stuff—takes place in the invisible.
Before things move, before anything shifts in the physical, it’s already been brewing in thought. In energy. In belief. In trust.

Everything material is just the last layer.

The 1%.
The echo.

And I think that’s why some people spend their whole life feeling stuck—
because they’re staring at the echo, trying to change it with their hands.
They think it’s about effort, hustle, logic.
But nothing really opens until something inside does.

I’ve seen how much can change when I choose to direct my attention differently.
Not just pretending everything’s fine—
but actually deciding to believe in something more.
Even when there’s no proof.
Especially when there’s no proof.

Some people call it delusion.
I call it devotion.

And maybe even more important than belief is alignment.
Because if you’re not listening to your inner voice—your purpose, your essence—
you can end up pouring years of energy into goals that were never meant for you.
Things that might look good from the outside,
but leave you empty inside.

There’s a difference between chasing what you think will feel good,
and building from what already moves you deeply.
The kind of truth that lives in your body before your mind makes sense of it.

I’ve learned that the more I live in alignment with what genuinely touches me—
the more naturally I stay dedicated, disciplined, inspired.
Because it’s not about reaching the goal.
It’s about why I’m doing it.
It’s about the intention I weave into the work.
It’s about honoring what feels like it was placed in my hands for a reason.

When you build from that place,
you don’t burn out as easily.
You don’t lose yourself chasing things that never belonged to you.

So when life feels tight or unmoving, I don’t beg the outside to change anymore.
I return to the 99%.
I check in with my thoughts.
I soften my breath.
I ask if my energy is aligned with what I’m creating.

And I remember:
faith is a practice.
my soul has a blueprint.
and the most beautiful parts of life tend to begin in the dark,
in silence,
with nothing but an inner yes.

They Come a Long Way (dreams)

I’ve come a long way—internally, spiritually, emotionally.

And the truth is… I’ve been chosen.

Chosen to carry visions, to dream dreams that don’t come from ego but from something ancient, something divine.

There’s no pressure to “achieve” them because they don’t belong to me. They live through me.

And if I refuse to bring them into form, someone else will.

That’s how sacred vision works.

But I know the life path I’m on.

Every karmic loop, lesson, every ego death, every time I was humbled or hurt or overlooked    —it was all preparation. Evidence.

Proof that I have it in me.

I was too used to dimming myself to make others feel safe.
Too used to shrinking in the presence of unhealed projections.

But now I understand.
I was never meant to dim.

I'm no longer hiding.

I’m cultivating my own energy, learning to hold it without leaking it.

I’m allowing myself to be seen.

I’m learning that my voice matters.

That my softness is power.

That my light isn’t too much.

I’ve been told to shine even brighter, and now I know why: Because I was never meant to fit in with those afraid of their own greatness.

I’m here.

Fully.

And if you’ve read this far, maybe you are too.
Maybe you’ve come a long way.
Maybe you’re being asked to remember the path that chose you.
Don’t be afraid to embody the light you were once taught to suppress.

Honor it.

Finally Showing Up

There’s a fire inside me I’ve been holding onto for a while now.
Not because it wasn’t ready—but because I wasn’t sure if I was.

But I think I’ve reached that point.
That quiet but undeniable moment where staying small just doesn’t feel like safety anymore.
It feels like delay.

Two weeks ago, I opened my first business in Rio de Janeiro.
A fluffy pancake café. At 19. In a new country.
Even writing that feels surreal.

But the truth is—I’ve been preparing for this long before anyone could see it.
Mentally. Emotionally. Spiritually.
Because I wasn’t born into a life where things like this felt guaranteed.
I had to build the ground beneath me as I walked it.

I moved out at 14.
Lost my father at 16.
And from that moment on, something shifted.
I realized: if life is fragile, then I want mine to be meaningful.
Not perfect.
But mine.

I’ve always had this deep sense of purpose—
Not just about success, but about freedom.
Not just visibility, but impact.
Not fame, but meaning.

For years, I’ve been writing. Stacking up ideas, projects, dreams.
Notebooks full of things I always meant to share.
Not because I needed to be seen for validation—
But because I hoped that maybe, if someone out there read my words,
they’d feel less alone.
More possible.
More powerful.

And still, I’ve stayed quiet.

I’ve shown myself a little—especially through visuals.
Sensual, beautiful, curated.
That version of me is real. And I love her.
But it’s only part of the picture.
There’s more I’ve been holding back.
And now, I feel ready to bring her forward.

So this is me—finally showing up.

Not as a finished product.
But as a woman in motion.
A builder. A dreamer. A work in soft, steady progress.

I want to speak more.
Write more.
Connect more.
Because I believe that the stories we tell ourselves—and each other—can change everything.

And if you’ve ever been scared to start, or to be seen for who you really are—
You’re not alone.

This is my beginning.
And I’m so glad you’re here to witness it.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you.
I’m just beginning to open this part of myself. If there’s something you’d love to read—from personal stories to creative process, lessons, or behind-the-scenes of building a life and business from scratch—I’d love to know.

You can comment, send me a message, or just sit with it quietly.
Either way, I’m grateful you’re here.

- Löah